Fuel for the Fight Against Sexual Immorality

Sexual temptation holds a specific place in the realm of sins. Jesus equates lust—a numbingly "simple" sin in the eyes of man—to adultery (Matt. 5:28), a crime punishable by death under the Jewish law. Paul commands us to flee from it (1 Cor. 6:18), and he says that it must not even be named among believers (Eph. 5:3). Paul lists sexual immorality among the "works of the flesh" in Galatians 5:19-20, and Romans 1:24-25 is certainly not an easy read for the hyper-sexual.

Pornography has deceived the Church. She has masked herself with blockbuster films and "Incognito mode" on our internet browsers. Lust has become an attitude, a demeanor, more than it has an act of sin. Ask any man what his three most-frequented sins are and I am positive that some form of sexual sin will be on the list, if not number one every time. She is a dangerous dance partner to have.

This problem is not exclusively plaguing men. Women, too, often find themselves forsaking their godly character, sacrificing piety for pleasure, giving their bodies over to be used instead of respected creations in the image of our Creator. Women are guilted into slowly inching their way to the "edge" of sexual boundaries. The biblical image of male headship and female submission are sin-sickfully abused, taken out of their right context, and completely redefined by sexual desires and hormone levels.

What I do not have is a solution. This is a problem that the Church needs to work out, locally and collectively.

I have found some ammunition to help get you through this week, though. In John Piper and Wayne Grudem's Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Piper writes, "We will always have mountains of truly human Christ-likeness yet to climb, but sexual intercourse is not one of them. For He never knew it. And He is infinitely whole." This quote comes in the middle of an introduction explaining why the monumental work is important for the single and married alike.

And Piper is right. Singles far too often see their libido as a biological craving that deserves to be fulfilled. Singles tell themselves that, since they don't have a marriage partner to fill the (non-existant) gap in their nature, they are granted a free pass to look at porn just one more time or hook up with that girl for a final night of fleshly passions. But that simply cannot be the case.

Let me straighten this out: sexual desire is good. Sexual desire and physical attraction are good things that were put here for their proper, God-glorify, earth-multiplying purpose. But it is not a missing hole in the biology of a person without sexual satisfaction. Jesus Christ—the Only Whole One, the sinless Savior, the Visible Image of the invisible God—did not need sex to remain whole. The fullness of God incarnate did not need sex to be fulfilled, to be the perfect sacrifice.

This sounds silly, but think about it! Becoming more like Christ does not require you to hurdle or overcome your sexual desires but instead allows you to completely bypass them! 

So, as you exhaust yourself, one battle of temptation to the next, remember this: if the Son of Man— the pinnacle of human perfection and the standard for godliness—came to die, and He didn't need sex to be completely whole, then you probably don't either.

Disciples Underfoot

Sometimes we need a few minutes to ourselves. But those minutes are fewer and farther between once you have kids. Suddenly, those quiet moments spent with your wife, spent in spiritual devotion, or even just using the bathroom are invaded by a million little demands and concerns. “Daddy, can you help me?” “Daddy, can you do this?” “Daddy, can I ask you something?” Being the father of two little girls is time consuming. But that is the nature of fatherhood. Hopefully someone told you before you had kids that parenthood is servanthood; and if they didn’t, I’m pretty sure you found out really quickly. Being a parent necessitates having kids “underfoot” all the time. And being a spiritual parent is no different.

In his classic The Master Plan of Evangelism, Robert Coleman points out that Jesus and his disciples were in near constant contact during the years of His earthly ministry. Jesus lived, ate, traveled, and worshipped with the twelve disciples at His side. He spent nearly every waking moment with them. In the week of His passion the disciples are never more than a stone’s throw away, even during his prayer in Gethsemane, right up to His arrest.

I know this must have been trying on Jesus. Like all of us, Jesus needed times of rest, prayer, and quiet communion with the Father. He needed time alone. “But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.” (Luke 5:16) Yet many times that quiet was interrupted by the needs of the spiritual children He had gathered around Himself (Mark 6:30-33, 46-48, Luke 11:1). However, Jesus knew, and we must learn, that that is simply the nature of parenthood; spiritual or otherwise.

The church often talks about “doing life together.” But “doing life” means imposition. It means our spiritual children are going to infringe on our personal time, the same way our biological children do. That is not convenient, but there is no other way to do discipleship the way Jesus did. An assigned class or a designated meeting time can be fruitful, but to expect those limited encounters to develop fully functional disciples is unrealistic.  

My fear is that that is exactly why we as Christians, and especially as men, are reticent to enter into discipleship relationships. We know it will be costly. We know it will be an imposition. As our society grows increasingly individualistic, we recede from the communal bonds of neighbor, family, and friend. “I don’t want to be imposed on! I want to be left alone.” The truth is we value our freedom and convenience more than we value Christ’s commission to “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations…” (Matt 28:19).

Within the last month, I had a single night when I received two 3 A.M. calls about to two unrelated personal emergencies. The callers were people I have discipling relationships with. In all honesty, my typical reaction might have been annoyance, but by God’s grace it wasn’t this time. My first thought was “I’m glad they called me. I’m glad we are close enough that they would bring their problems, which were not insignificant, to me at that hour.” Sadly, I can count on one hand the number of non-family members who I would impose on in that way - with fingers to spare. I want my daughters to share their joys, struggles, crises with me, and I want my spiritual sons to do the same.

Discipling is work. In fact, I don’t think it is unfair to say that it is near all-consuming work, much like parenthood. But that is our mission. We need men and women who are willing to do the inconvenient work of bringing new and growing Christians under their wings and into their lives. We should make time for rest and quiet, but we should also expect that quiet to be interrupted. Disciples are going to be “underfoot”. That’s what you signed on for when you answered the call of Christ. If you wanted uninterrupted quiet, you should have been a Buddhist.